why is the blue sky?

5.23.2006

this cant be true

so i went to jose's blog and saw this test. and i decided to take it. but i did not expect what would come out..

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.
And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.
Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.
And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

and im like huh? i try so hard not to be that flirty kinda touchy feely person who caresses every chance he gets and pretends hes listening but is only thinking about what someone looks like without clothes on. uh, i am not a natural flirt. or am i? the part that says that i hardly notice it though makes me wonder if i really am or im not.. huh, someone tell me the truth!

8:38 PM | Permalink |

5.04.2006

jello bones

may has proven to be a very non-vacationy month for me. its no longer a vacation methinks. i think it is a workyworkworkation, if there is such a word. is there? theres so much stuff to do, and so little time for me to actually rest. what a shame, but thats life i guess. among the things i have to do this may...

prepare and practice for international student convention
renew my science project model for isc
rewrite notes for my isc guitar solo, guitar duet, and violin pieces
practice famous speech(i really hate this event.)
raise funds for isc
go to ust for 2 weeks of music fundamentals
go to ust 2 weeks more for sight singing classes

well, i know i should be thankful that im busy, but im starting to feel that im not getting enough time for myself. another additional pressure that i have is having to do all the above while i have fever. yes, i do have fever. im coughing and coughing and it hurts on the chest and throat. i feel weak and my bones feel like jello, but hey thats what fever does to you. i should actually be resting right now. im still praying for my isc fund support that'll be coming from abroad. theres a deadline to pay 1000 dollars by May 8, next monday, and i still dont have the money. =( still being prayerful though. what if after all the practice, the money doesnt come though? oh well... thas' life i guess. as i have said, this vacation is no vacation. going to ust is very tiring, since i dont have a car yet... commuting is a big pain. so much pollution, so much heat - thats manila for ya. o yea, and writing notes for 3 hyper long pieces is no walk in the park either... its long and tedious and has to be accurate. my science project is almost done, i just need to fix it abit. i really really dislike famous speech... i mean, its okay, but i dunno. i do not like my piece. the one that goes, "give me liberty, or give me death." i guess im so bored of it now that i cant feel it. grrrrrr. i'm so dizzy right now, and thus with the dizziness i say goodbye. please pray for all the stuff i need to do. salamat.

6:23 AM | Permalink |

5.01.2006

schedule

people have been telling me i dont go online anymore. not true. i just happen to be online when nobody else is. im online from around 8 in the morning til 9:30 in the evening. thats my schedule! so if anyone wants to talk to me which i doubt anyone does, come online at 8 to 9:30! lets chat! whee!

5:33 PM | Permalink |

4.27.2006

counting my blessings

theres something about this summer... some vague atmosphere of depression that i cant quite put. its like theres something about the heat that makes problems seem so big despite being small? lately, i feel like lifes been abit problematic, with college and her and stuff, so i thought it'd be nice to actually count my blessings and see just how lucky i am. and so i give you a list of my blessings. uhhh.. cheers!

1) i have a roof over my head
2) i live in eastwood
3) i play guitar
4) i play violin
5) i play bass
6) i have a guitar, a violin, and a bass guitar
7) complete with amplifiers
8) i went to jfa
9) studied in a Christian school
10) i was accepted to my first choice college
11) to my first choice course
12) i have a computer
13) i have an ipod
14) i have loving, nonabusive parents
15) i can count on both my parents despite them being seperated
16) i lived through an accident where the doctors said i had .1% chance of living, and if i did live i wouldnt be "conscious"
17) i have a cool cat
18) a church in Canada just agreed to sponsor my trip to ISC
19) this is the second time im going to ISC
20) ive been to the states
21) ive eaten alot of the yummy food in the states, nothing beats their burgers and sausages
22) i can be on the internet the whole day because of unlimited internet
23) i have 2 homes
24) im in the worship team
25) im able go to church despite the busy-ness
26) i inherited a 50k dollar Antonio-Raffael Gagliano violin from my grandmother
27) i have a mr.bean teddy
28) i have a ps2
29) i have over 5 tv sets
30) one of which is really really big
31) i have lots of friends
32) my spongebob "piggybank" is so heavy
33) i have 3 computers
34) i had alot of top 6 awards at the nsc
35) i got 3rd for guitar solo at the last isc
36) i have nice non-veiny hands
37) i have alot of food to eat
38) i graduated from jfa
39) i have a God who loves me
40) ive been to Cebu
41) ive ridden an airplane more than 5 times
42) ive experienced a 5 star hotel
43) with fine dining
44) i speak English well(although not tagalog, but hey we're focusing on the blessings)
45) my dentist says i have a nice set of teeth so i dont need braces
46) i know how to read and how to write
47) i have a driver
48) i laugh easily
49) im part of the crazy youth in our church
50) i can swim now!

so yea, wow, that really does work! i feel alot better! woo hoo!

7:33 AM | Permalink |

4.19.2006

heartbroken

yes i am, yes i am. somewhere ive read, or watched, or heard that sometimes bad things just happen and in these kind of situations you can choose to be sad or happy. i just dont think its that simple when what or who you hold dear is involved. my mind chooses to be happy, but my heart chooses to be downcast. ive been forcing myself to be cheerful, to be busy, to do anything and everything to forget her, but in my heart of hearts i know that i miss her and i still think of her even when im not consciously thinking of her. i know that i miss her but ive denied that with my whole mind and my whole heart, but i guess you cant deny what is true, what is brutally real. she said she loved him, not me. its not all bad - im glad i never hinted what i felt for her, despite how long ive been feeling said feelings. years, definitely. but if she knew, it'd complicate things and the last thing i want is for her to be confused. or maybe im overestimating myself by saying that she would even be bothered by the thought of my feelings for her, after all, what i feel for her, while behemothic to me, im sure wont really mean much to her. who am i to assume a position of such significance to her that'd actually make her worry about what i feel for her? haha, they have a word for that in tagalog, "kapal muka". i guess thats what i am. but still, im glad i didnt hint what ive been feeling at all, it'd complicate things. just make things confusing. i dont want that for her, i just want her to be happy. and if stepping back while shes with that other guy will make her happy, that step back i will. not that i ever took a step forward in the first place. i wonder if anyone will ever be there, waiting on me like i wait on her, wanting what is best for me, the way i want what is best for her. if such a girl did exist, anybody, i would consider myself the luckiest person ever. pathetic i know, but i guess thats me. my whole life though, i know that noones really looked out for me that way. im afraid that it'll go on that way for the rest of my life, but i expect it. ive fooled so many people with this ruse of cheerfulness. i wonder how long i can go on. it really is true that sometimes people who seem to be really happy can be hiding saddest frowns behind their curtains of pseudosmiles. i need to disappear from everyone methinks.

8:42 PM | Permalink |

4.17.2006

mojo

i hadnt seen her or spoken to her for about 3 or 4 weeks, and suddenly, so abruptly, i saw her yesterday. her. and suddenly everything came rushing back, like how amazing she really was, how beautiful she was, how much ive missed her despite me trying to be busy to forget her. and i did actually forget her for a pretty long while, thanks to diligent attempts at making myself busy as well as the long long time of being seperated from her. i had forgotten her so long that i had even become me again, the easy come and easy go gabe that ive been since i was a child... i miss those days. someone once told me that being grown up is not half as much fun as growing up, and that person was right. i recall when i was like 6 years old a conversation with my mom.

"i wish i was older so i could have fun.."
"well anak, once you become old you'll wish you become young."
"really? but you can do so many things when youre old!"
"youre saying that now, but when you become older, you'll wish you were younger."
"no i wont!"

and then that conversation turned into how i was able to say frog instead of prog, because i hadnt really learned how to pronounce "f" yet. anyway, yea... looks like she was right. my mom keeps telling me when she doesnt allow me to do stuff that ill understand when im a parent(if ever). i think i shall heed those words since my mom was right about me growing up. i do really wish though that i could stay young forever. just enjoy the carefree days, but life has not meant for such to be lived out by a person, for each person has his personal destiny to fulfill and in that process must grow from his childish person to a mature man capable of fulfilling his destiny. yea! i guess being grown up isnt all that bad, but all this emotional crap makes it a drag.

so yea, anyway, upon seeing her, for like just 3 seconds, i lost my cheerfulness. hehe, or how my friend and i have named it, my mojo! haha, austin powers :P . . . so i made it a point for the rest of the day not to look at her at all, and i did, but still, the damage has been done. those 3 seconds of just seeing her stole my mojo... i dont feel as cheerful as before, as carefree. am i weak? guess i am. hehe. so im getting back to making myself really busy, just like before, and to forget her, forget her, forget her. and i know i will! ive done it before! i must have my mojo back! haha! i do. really. miss. her. though. . .

8:10 AM | Permalink |

4.11.2006

survey of boredom

uhm... nothing to post today. i practiced violin and guitar and bass as usual... and nothing new. read this survey of boredom so that you can feel the boredom that i feel and say, "oh i dont need to read this now that i fully understand what the writer is trying to convey", but it'll be pointless at the end saying that because youve already read it! *whew*

W E A R - T R U T H F U L L Y
do you like anyone? --> yep
do he/she know it? --> nope
simple or complicated? --> complicated

I N - T H E - P A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y OU
bought something? --> yep
Gotten sick?--> nope
Been hugged? --> yep
Felt stupid? --> always
Been drunk? --> never
Missed someone? --> yep
Ate cereal? --> yep
Danced crazy? --> yep
Gotten your hair cut? --> yep

Can you roll your tongue? --> yep
Can you raise one eyebrow? --> yep
Can you cross your eyes? --> nope
Do you make your bed daily? --> yep
Do you think you are unique? --> nope

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R
Said "I Love you" and meant it? --> yep
Waited all night for a phone call? nope
Sat and looked at the stars? --> yep

M A N N E R S
Do you swear? --> nope
You cook your own food? --> sometimes
You do your own chores? --> yep
You like pepsi or coke? --> pepsi
You're happy with your hair? --> nope
You own a dog? --> nope
You spend your money wisely? --> nope
Do you like to swim? --> yep
When u get bored do you call a friend?--> hardly use the phone cept for internet
Are you patient? --> depends

D O - Y O U - P R E F E R
flowers or angels? --> angels
gray or black? --> black
Colored or black and white photos? --> colored
hook up or love? --> love
sunrise or sunset? --> sunset
M&Ms or Skittles? --> skittles

staying up late or waking up late? --> staying up late
left or right? --> left
having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends? --> no comment
sunshine or rain? --> rain, when im inside. sunshine, when im out.
vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?--> vanilla
boys or girls? --> huh?

9:21 PM | Permalink |

4.08.2006

to violoncello

g'morning... i was so bored and i saw my cat, violoncello, sleeping. i somehow forgot my worries for a good 15 minutes just staring at her breathing in and breathing out with eyes closed. makes me wonder why she's always asleep in the morning and so lively at night. insomniac cat! or maybe shes just really lazy like me! lazy ass cat! anyway, i made a poem just now about her... hehe. this all came from the 15 minutes of me just watching her in dear slumber. i'm no poet so please dont bash me if it isnt good! and now i give you..

To Violoncello

In silence and solitude stands you in its way,
Subtly breaking stillness in innocent play,
Inside closed doors so dimly lit,
You are there and to witness every bit.

Since you came and ended lonely days,
Everything is fine as long as you stay,
When from darkness comes the lonely feel,
Stay there and scratch me into what is real.

As melancholy grasps the self led astray,
You gently untangle those tangles every day,
With your care, your affection, a loving grip,
With your sentiment, loyalty and companionship.

Yet reason in the flesh urges no bearing,
All that really matters is you there caring,
So close to me when everything seems so far,
Your naivety mends the painstaking scar.

Your eyes can melt the coldest heart,
Your warmth eases every soul depart,
Youre there to calm the aches that burn,
Oh dear friend, and in return,

No human hands to pinch or slap,
Or rub your fur against the nap,
Or throw cold water from a pail,
Or make handle of your tail,

And you neednt worry,
And you neednt hurry,
Dont be sad, dont be blue,
Ill take care of you.

Just the way only you have taken care of me.

9:58 AM | Permalink |