heartbroken
yes i am, yes i am. somewhere ive read, or watched, or heard that sometimes bad things just happen and in these kind of situations you can choose to be sad or happy. i just dont think its that simple when what or who you hold dear is involved. my mind chooses to be happy, but my heart chooses to be downcast. ive been forcing myself to be cheerful, to be busy, to do anything and everything to forget her, but in my heart of hearts i know that i miss her and i still think of her even when im not consciously thinking of her. i know that i miss her but ive denied that with my whole mind and my whole heart, but i guess you cant deny what is true, what is brutally real. she said she loved him, not me. its not all bad - im glad i never hinted what i felt for her, despite how long ive been feeling said feelings. years, definitely. but if she knew, it'd complicate things and the last thing i want is for her to be confused. or maybe im overestimating myself by saying that she would even be bothered by the thought of my feelings for her, after all, what i feel for her, while behemothic to me, im sure wont really mean much to her. who am i to assume a position of such significance to her that'd actually make her worry about what i feel for her? haha, they have a word for that in tagalog, "kapal muka". i guess thats what i am. but still, im glad i didnt hint what ive been feeling at all, it'd complicate things. just make things confusing. i dont want that for her, i just want her to be happy. and if stepping back while shes with that other guy will make her happy, that step back i will. not that i ever took a step forward in the first place. i wonder if anyone will ever be there, waiting on me like i wait on her, wanting what is best for me, the way i want what is best for her. if such a girl did exist, anybody, i would consider myself the luckiest person ever. pathetic i know, but i guess thats me. my whole life though, i know that noones really looked out for me that way. im afraid that it'll go on that way for the rest of my life, but i expect it. ive fooled so many people with this ruse of cheerfulness. i wonder how long i can go on. it really is true that sometimes people who seem to be really happy can be hiding saddest frowns behind their curtains of pseudosmiles. i need to disappear from everyone methinks.
goodness..you sound like a mexican or cuban novela that is narrated on a low budget/quality sound system in a tobacco sweat shop.
PRIMARY AUDIENCE:
old ladies who earn minimum wage and only know spanish. They just get a kick out of a good drama ;)
Posted by
Jose Solon-Perfecto |
23/4/06 10:40 PM
yep, thats me, drama... king. not a drama queen. hahaha. thanks for crashin by jos.
Posted by
gabrielangelo |
23/4/06 10:48 PM
aww, you're not pathetic... and there is such a girl out there who's probably waiting for you just like you waited for her just gotta look for her that's all, maybe not too far, cos she may be in a near distance hehehe it will all be alryt... im here for you ok?:)
i have something that i think will make you feel better though, here *gives fat* knock yourself out!:)
Posted by
geri |
24/4/06 12:04 PM
mmm.. nice and chunky! thanks geri!
Posted by
gabrielangelo |
24/4/06 2:51 PM
"it really is true that sometimes people who seem to be really happy can be hiding saddest frowns behind their curtains of pseudosmiles."
I am sooo quoting that on my emo days. Thanks! :D
She's out there. I just know it. :)
Posted by
RaisCake |
26/4/06 3:22 PM
you think she is? wonder what shes doing now.. hehe! thanks for crashin by raiscake! man, i miss you =), go online more!
Posted by
gabrielangelo |
26/4/06 7:16 PM
gabe!i know how it feels...yah, there is someone out there for you...someone probably way better!(that goes for me too...hehe...you know what i mean) haay...i think we should take a break from all those liking someone stuff...oh well, smile!ok?Ü
Posted by
kRis |
28/4/06 12:50 AM
definitely. :P
Posted by
gabrielangelo |
28/4/06 8:15 AM